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Astrid pulled up the video feeds from the suits' microcams. They had spread out to cover more ground. Lia watched with crossed arms. No hostiles encountered,
This paragraph pretty well encapsulate the problems I see. Basically, you, the author, are talking to the reader about the events in the story. But that's
Are you implying I don't know who James Cagney is? >> ....
"Of course you would show up," I grumbled at the inferno growing out of my kitchen, "now that I've just redone the cabinets!"