Another huge turnout! I would like to apologise for the delay in getting these scores out. I just came back from a weeks holiday and have been rushed off my feet with real life things since I landed! So I am very sorry if the scores seem a little rushed, they should be accurate however. Note to namesake; One of the judges missed your story as you forgot to place a link to it in the main competition thread. So your score will be marked out of the three judges. I would normally chase the score up, but due to the delay in getting these out I have had to work around it. For this I am very sorry! I think next time I go away I will hand over to someone else so that there is plenty of time to get everything spot on.
Thanks to all the judges and all the entrants! You have all done sterling work. Now, for the bit you all actually care about!
(Correct me if I've got these wrong)
12+16+14.5+17 = 14.88
13+12+13.5+18 = 14.13
11+13+15.25+18 = 14.31
13+12+10+19 = 13.5
18+18+18+17 = 17.75
12+9+14+17 = 13
20+16+17.5+19 = 18.13
13+14+14+18 = 14.75
11+17+17+17 = 15.5
14+17+14.5+18 = 15.88
0+9+13+18 = 10
11+5+9.5+16 = 10.38
14+16+15+18 = 15.75
15+17+16+19 = 16.75
15+18+18+18 = 17.25
17+19+16.5+18 = 17.63
17+19+17.5+18 = 17.88
17+20+15.5+13 = 16.38
15+16+17+16 = 16
18+20+15+20 = 18.25
14+19+18.5+17 = 17.13
12+6+10 = 9.33
And the winners are:
And now for the comments!
Prince Dreamshine and Fufflemuff Out at Sea
Interesting to see that you stuck with these characters. Again - interesting names. As I said last time, it's really difficult for me to get into a story like this one. It just doesn't suit me in the slightest possible way. Even the names make me feel weird.
I do like how you made this a sequel to the previous prompt, though. That's interesting, and I wonder if I'll be seeing these characters again in the future.
"The Dead of the Sea"
I didn't really feel this. I can see what you wanted me to feel, but it didn't quite hit me. Part of the time it felt as if you were speaking to me
, rather than a story happening. You explained to me what happened, and never gave me exactly what I wanted. Which was to live through it. It felt as I walked in late during a movie and missed the best part. A flash of the characters actually going through the turmoil would have helped a lot. A little more on their actual struggle to escape would have been wonderful. Instead I just see the aftermath, with no real evidence that they even have real emotion about it.
Grammatically it was sound. No errors at all that I could see. There wasn't any risk taking with it either though, which is the cause of that missing point. The tone would have been better if it wasn't for - what I felt - the overuse of adjectives. I feel you could tone down a little on them.
Out at Sea
After reading, I simply felt lost.
I was wondering how you'd add in the prompt to a story opening in the desert. You caught my interest with the sea actually being a temple. I feel like you never delivered me what I wanted, though. I understand that the word count is a limited one, but that can't be an excuse for giving almost half a story. Especially when you still had two hundred words to work with. The whole beginning of the story seemed to set up the meeting of the grandfather and the temple. Yet in the end we barely got a glimpse of either. The short time skip could've come a little later in the story. Two hundred words later would have filled in so much and I feel could have improved this story tremendously.
The lack of question marks in the dialogue at the beginning was kept you from scoring higher on the grammar. As for the tone, you would have scored higher if it didn't seem so formal. The dialogue simply didn't feel real.
Out at Sea
I felt you could have did a little more with this. I wasn't really exactly sure what happened at the end. But I did like the way you showed the protagonist's obvious discomfort.
Did something happen with Turner? That part was unclear to me. At first it seemed like he was just not with the protagonist at that moment. But when you said once more
, I felt like it was implied that he was missing or something.
I wasn't really sure what a whopping was. Did you mean whooping? I don't know. The place they were flying to was Fiji,