Thread: What a Nut!

What a Nut!
ages 4-8
word count~492
(any and all feedback would be greatly appreciated)

Gathering nuts from all around the world, Mama Squirrel traveled far and wide for her little baby squirrels. With all the shades of gray in her sweet fluffy tail, she scurried high and low.

First she went to Europe for almond oil to protect her baby squirrels' skin, and to keep them healthy underneath their silvery fur jackets. Then she went to South America, deep in the Amazon Rainforest, for Brazil nuts. Mama Squirrel liked that they had lots of vitamins in them so her babies would stay nice and strong.

Mama Squirrel traveled to the islands of Hawaii for coconut oils too, to help her prepare good meals for supper time. Mama Squirrel also gathered peanuts for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches of course! Sister Squirrel simply loved them during lunchtime at school.

Mama Squirrel made sure to travel to North America to get pecans for her son too. She especially liked going to Georgia to get pecans there. She liked that southern taste. Plus Brother Squirrel loved pecans in his ice cream. But most of all, he loved Mama Squirrel’s special pecan pie—mmm delicious!

But Mama Squirrel was sad while she was away from her little baby squirrels. She worried about them every second of the day and night. She worried so much while she was away, she got tummy aches.

The baby squirrels worried about Mama Squirrel too, until one day the baby squirrels had an idea.

During school, they learned about all kinds of nuts. They found out that the walnut could be used for many different reasons. So at night, while Mama Squirrel was sleeping, they both snuck off together to China. They found lots of walnuts there. Brother Squirrel and Sister Squirrel searched for just the right one. After hunting high and low, they found the perfect one hidden in the most beautiful Chinese Walnut Tree.

Once they dashed home just before nightfall, Brother Squirrel and Sister Squirrel put the nut in a little red velvet box and wrapped it with a big purple bow—Mama Squirrel’s favorite color.

When next morning came, Mama Squirrel awoke to find it sitting on the kitchen table. The baby squirrels shouted, “Open, Mama, open!”
After opening the box, Mama Squirrel was puzzled.

"What kind of nut is this?” she asked.

“It’s a walnut!” they both said at once.

“There’s a special tea you can make with walnuts to help you with your tummy aches, Mama.” Brother Squirrel said.

“Really?” Mama Squirrel was amazed, “That’s great!”

“And there is something else too, Mama,” Sister Squirrel said all happily.

“What?” Mama Squirrel asked.

“You can use the oils for painting too!”

“WOW!” Mama Squirrel thanked her babies, “I can paint a picture of you both then I will not be lonely on my travels.”

The two baby squirrels smiled as they replied, “And we can paint a picture of you too Mama. That way we will always be together.”

My only suggestion would be to change the age range. My daughter is eight and is reading the Harry Potter books as we speak. My five year old, however, would thoroughly enjoy reading something like this.

A very sweet story. I loved how the baby squirrels gave the mummy squirrel a walnut...very cute.
It's difficult to write for this age range I think because you don't want to be patronising but at the same time you need to keep the language relatively simple. I like the references to different locations and nuts. You could perhaps add a bit of simple description about the different locations you mention to add interest.
The previous poster is correct I think about the age range. Three to five would be better I think.

Great style. Good plot. Here: {her sweet fluffy tail} I don't understand the use of the word SWEET. This dialogue tag :{Mama Squirrel thanked her babies,} is tecnnically misleading bacause the MC does not thank her babies. I suggest you finish this just a little different, with The MC's POV and emphacize her emotional response to the circumstances, for effect.
Thanks

I like it.