What ticks you off when reading a book/story? - Page 7 - Writers Forum

seigfried007 · 05-11-2008, 07:13 PM

Humans. Virginal star-crossed long-lost twenty-something humans... according to Salvatore.

PageOfCups · 05-11-2008, 07:16 PM

That's not only very unlikely (pluss can you imagine where they'd get frost bite?) it's also utterly sickening.

lin · 05-11-2008, 07:30 PM

You've never had sex in the snow?

And it's "SICKENING"??????

Too weird.

seigfried007 · 05-11-2008, 07:36 PM

Sex is painful enough first time around for ladies, lin, but to use pretty terms to describe losing it in the snow missionary-position style.. I'm sorry. It was too obviously written by a man who's terrible in the sack because no sane entity with an iota of consideration for his partner would force said love-of-his-life to be back-down and naked in the snow while he popped her like a can of Sprite. Sorry.

That's not even the aspect that irked me the most. I'd have to write a top twenty list to fit in everything that made me want to vomit while reading that story.

PageOfCups · 05-11-2008, 07:37 PM

The only thing that could tempt me into doing that would be if Jessica Alba was on offer and that was the only choice in location.

seigfried007 · 05-11-2008, 07:42 PM

LOL

Only option? I've had sex in iffy places, but I never risked frostbite (disease maybe, injury certainly, legal action most definitely, but not frostbite or burns).

But anything short of my last option and, no, I'm not going for it.

cold = not good for lube
cold = shrinks the dinky-dink
cold = bad sex in general

Truth-Teller · 05-11-2008, 10:33 PM

Time for you to move onto mystery/thriller, seigfried.

Remedy · 05-11-2008, 11:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by seigfried007

Humans. Virginal star-crossed long-lost twenty-something humans... according to Salvatore.

Those types also have sex on a horse. Not according to Salvatore, at least that I'm aware of, but some other author (whom I don't remember). Two authors, come to think of it. I felt bad for the horses, to be honest.

(Ha, snow... I still remember the first time I told my partner about it (he'd never seen it), and he said he was sure that he was made for snow... Then I told him it was cold, and he'd have to wear layers of clothing, and he decided that maybe he wasn't made for it after all.)

I could go on for awhile about pet peeves in sex scenes, but I'll save it for later. I need to get some sleep.

PageOfCups · 05-12-2008, 01:35 AM

Well, this is reminding me why I skip over the sex scenes in books. But sex on a horse, that's a new one. I've never heard of that being in a book before.

seigfried007 · 05-12-2008, 05:14 AM

Wasn't much of a scene, really. They just had a passionate kissy moment and he laid her down in the snow. And I blinkeda and blinked and looked at the book like the author was an idiot (either that or he'd forgotten all the snow he'd put on the ground a few pages ago)

Sex on a horse? That author's never had sex or ridden a horse, me thinks. I've ridden a horse and my bottom got sore enough jsut riding it for a couple hours--let alone the multitasking aspect of maintaining balance, steering horse, riding horse and riding man. Where teh heck were the feet? The physics of that.... grief...

JoannaMac · 05-12-2008, 05:24 AM

I hate it when I read those "Based on a true story" books, and after I've been sucked in and thought "Wow, what a story!", but then later I find out that's not what actually happened at all. Always disappointing.

seigfried007 · 05-12-2008, 09:22 AM

"Based on a true story" is just a fancy way of saying "90% of this book (all of the really weird/cool/fun stuff) is a lie"

Monkuta · 05-12-2008, 03:27 PM

Horror stories that are "inspired by a true story." Not even based on it, just inspired. It's one of those things that no one cares about.

Remedy · 05-13-2008, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PageOfCups

Well, this is reminding me why I skip over the sex scenes in books. But sex on a horse, that's a new one. I've never heard of that being in a book before.

Yeah, those scenes tend to suck. I've seen it in two stories; one just kinda glossed over it (they were listing his particularly memorable sexual encounters), but the other made a whole four or so pages out of it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by seigfried007

Sex on a horse? That author's never had sex or ridden a horse, me thinks. I've ridden a horse and my bottom got sore enough jsut riding it for a couple hours--let alone the multitasking aspect of maintaining balance, steering horse, riding horse and riding man. Where teh heck were the feet? The physics of that.... grief...

No, I don't think they had.

The only way a position would really work would be if you had muscles of steel in your legs (riding eight years, and I still can't post without stirrups for more than three rings without shaking horribly), or if the horse was dead and not moving.

Plus... who would really put a horse through that? I mean, come on, having sex on an animal? That's animate life down there. Animate, intelligent life. That would creep me out.

Even if all of those things were possible - which I don't think they really are, to be honest - there are the complications of the horse. I ride horses fairly frequently, and I can tell you, horses aren't stupid creatures. They know the moment you've turned your attention away from them (I'm guessing that most people tend to be pretty occupied during sex too), and they take advantage of that.

Out of the ones I've ridden with any frequency, the things they would do if not supervised carefully were:
a.) stop short and graze (which would kinda screw up the the position of the riders, because suddenly the neck is gone)
b.) wander to the nearest living person (on the ground) possible and stop there (which would be awkward for all parties involved if he got to one before they had stopped having sex)
c.) turn around, grab a boot, and try to pull you off (which would probably upset a carefully balanced situation)
d.) take the opportunity to spook at and bolt from anything. A truck! A dust piece! A ray of sunshine! Oh my God, who put that door there?! It's only been there for the past year! Run (or, better yet, run sideways)! Obvious problems there.

RinK · 05-13-2008, 08:48 PM

I hate when everyone raves about a book and tells you you have to read it, so you go out and get a copy, and it's a total piece of crap or just another cliche. For people to go crazy about something that sucks when you know unpublished writers who can do better - man, that just really gets my goat. *pukes* I realize it's all a matter of opinion, but still...