My whole childhood was so awkward, and I never fit in because I was so different then everyone else, I wan't interested in sports like football and soccar, I was interested in things like art and music. I was a mediocre student, while everyone around me would freak out when they got a A- on something. I was so different that I was isolated and considered weird and I sort of stopped being social altogether. I got depressed, and even suicidal for few years during elementary school. I didn't connect with anyone, not even my parents. I couldn't talk to anyone about the way I felt. I hated the majority of everyone. They all just seemed to be so mean, so focused on being on top. When I saw a group of friends laughing over some stupid thing, just being "silly", it would anger me. When a guy would date a girl just to run up to his friends the next day and tell them about it, it would depress me. My life was absolute hell, I felt as if the world was created for everyone but me. But I felt as if I truly had a friend (I know that sounds stupid) when I read The Catcher in the Rye for the first time in ninth grade. Holden Caulfield just hit the nail right on the head. His conception of the world was so spot on; jackasses thrive to live happy and create more jackasses, while the good ones, the ones who don't pretend to be something they're not, are looked down upon and considered "punks". Holden was left to rot in a mental instution, after about two hundred and twenty pages of explanation of why he's the only sane person around. And the story was never sugarcoated. It didn't end with something dumb like Holden finally finding the perfect girl, or finally setting things right with school and his parents. No, it was a perfect portrait of reality; things don't end on a good note. The novel completely turned my world upside down. It made me stop feeling unsatisfied and dissapointed with the "innequities" of my life, and made me feel proud of them. Proud of being different, and proud of being "weird". It made me feel not like I was better than everyone, but that that everyone was just lost and I was the only person who truly knew where I was going. The Catcher in the Rye is the only book I can truly take seriously and not consider "just a book". It's more than that to me.




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