by, 03-08-2011 at 04:12 AM (896 Views)
The song 100 years by Five for Fighting came out in 2004.
I was 40 years old, divorced, childless.
I loved the song, but it made me sad. I felt the years of my life going too fast, my chance to be a father gone, too many years wasted on a bad marriage with a broken woman. I was in love in 2004, but dating a guy. Even if we built a life together, children don't just happen for same-sex couples. It's difficult. Soon I would be too old to adopt. I was already mourning the child I would never have, trying to reconcile myself to a life without that sort of love.
I hadn't that song in years. Until Saturday.
I was at the grocery store. With my husband. And my 16 month old daughter. And there it was, on the store system, the lyrics comeing back as if I had heard them last week. John was picking out the things we needed. Sophia was chattering busily, waving her new Dora sippy cups around and saying hi to every person we passed. Me? I just pushed the cart and sang along in my head and smiled like I was the luckiest guy in the world. Some days, I kinda think I am.
I love that song. It doesn't make me sad anymore.