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I'm finding Haemin Sunim's book quite a read, am actually surprised and confused by how I'm feeling about what he has to say. I have resolved to re-read it once, maybe twice over even. Not sure what I'm looking for here or what I'm wanting from this but I feel that there might be much to gain. It's difficult to describe how I feel as I read it. Enlightenment maybe? Hope? Besides other things I seem to be getting from it the main message not to be judgemental of course but particularly of the self,
Updated Yesterday at 06:09 PM by dither
Probably? I guess?
An urge? Desire? Just a feeling really,
To have a rocker on the porch, sit and slowly drink a pint or three of pear cider and watch the world, and his dog, go by. Only, in my world, you wouldn't want to do that. Oh it's not such a bad area I suppose with many of the social problems imagined and/or exaggerated but my porch, if had one, certainly wouldn't be a place for sitting.
And I find myself having leanings, does that sound right?, toward a coffee
Scream at the silence?
I actually like mooching about my home in silence alone with my thoughts, certainly don't want people around me and then, I suppose that's not entirely accurate but I do tend to avoid the company of others.
For most of the day the only sounds I've heard have been the rumble of the wind, the cooing of a Wood Pigeon in the big old Sycamore at the bottom of my garden and the far off jingle of an Ice Cream vendor.
The occasional bark of a dog, a child shouting.
Updated March 19th, 2017 at 07:11 PM by dither
I broke my arm last year, found myself unable to shave, not that i was ever unduly concerned about such a pain in the arse chore, allowed the beard to take sway and decided that i quite liked it and still do. It beats the hell out of having to shave anyway. One less thing to bother with. I like not bothering.
There has been some leg-pulling at work but all well intended and then last week somebody said to me, " you look as though you live in Alaska fighting the grizzlys, I'll take some
I just read a two page article in my Saturday newspaper written by one Haemin Sunim ( a Zen monk apparently ) entitled " the secret of happiness ", an excerpt from the book. Yeah I know, they only show the really good bits, they are, after all, trying to sell the book and very few of us would dare to totally adopt such a lifestyle but there is much to consider and maybe take from what he says. Anyway, we shall see eh?
Saturday the fourth of Feb was shaping up to be just like any other Saturday. Having finished work at around six and managing to stay awake on the bus until it pulled into my home-town, I'd made the short walk home and was making ready for my weekly visit to an Asda that was just a fifteen minute bus-ride away. Re-written shopping list followed re-written shopping list until I was satisfied with it. Mugs of coffee were consumed before leaving home, then, having bought a Newspaper en route to the
Updated February 6th, 2017 at 04:56 PM by dither
And, having just finished Lee Child's "Worth Dying For", i am so in awe of the man. Such a wealth of knowledge he must have had or acquired to facilitate such writings leaves me with the stark realisation that i could never even contemplate attempting such a fete.
Which is why i can only dream of the here and now. " Missives from a nobody. " How does that sound? One day maybe but enough of my woes. What an awesome read. I can't believe my luck.
Updated January 30th, 2017 at 04:37 PM by dither
The very latest cause celebre according to my preferred daily wheeze and so I E-mailed them. No of course it won't count. Someone, somewhere, maybe even a computer-programme, without so much as a thought, will simply click on delete and flush my heart-felt words down the cyber-toilet.
My point is that there is so much that I didn't say.
As I seem to be turning into a very conscientious social observer, it's my age, I have to get my thoughts
Updated January 29th, 2017 at 12:55 PM by dither
I have had the most mind-numbing boring nothing day ever, and, for reasons that i don't care to go into, held myself back from switching on and logging in. It's been a shit day and, for me, bedtime wouldn't come soon enough. Then, finally, i reheated some grub that i'd cooked earlier, poured myself the first of quite a few cold ones, and set out to finish my latest read.
I know that it would be nothing new to say that so often you can find yourself being drip-fed, being given
I'm on the sauce already.
Sad bstd eh? No not at all. It's not as bad as it seems. I DO enjoy a few slurps at this time of the week that's though. After succumbing to the effects mental and physical fatigue and cheap booze on a Saturday afternoon, i find that it clears my head. So cool and refreshing.
Updated January 22nd, 2017 at 08:40 AM by dither
Should be glad really i suppose but nothing ever really happens with me.
All week, i eat sleep and work. I slob my weekends away and that is it.
All so predictable, but safe.
Safety, i love safety, but it comes at such a price.
Please don't offer suggestions because that will lead to anger and frustration.
It is what it is.
When i say that it will lead to anger and
Updated January 8th, 2017 at 05:53 PM by dither
On this chilly winter's morning. Quietly mooching about my house thinking of nothing in particular and wondering what the hell i'm going to do with myself for the rest of the day.
I have a slight hangover but that's normal for a Sunday morning and i wouldn't mind being able to turn my tinnitus down a few decibels but there you go. How about it Santa? A volume control for Tinnitus? Ho'ho'ho then, never mind.
I reckon i shall have a few minutes pottering about the kitchen, get my grub
Maybe i'm a Mean, Selfish, Cold and Heartless, S.O.B. but even at THIS time of year i'm in my very own little bubble. " Getting on with things, getting on with life. My life". Y'know? Yeah well, maybe you don't, know.
It's not that i don't care or that i harbour grudges, bad thoughts or the like.
The whole family/friendship thing. Sending out cards/greetings. The giving of gifts etc. Bollocks!
Am i really such a bad person?
Old and tired
stew and ruminate. To ponder having nothing in particular to ponder. Quietly, well not so quietly maybe , i shall always have my old friend tinnitus ringing away in the background. I got old i guess.
A kid brother used to send me texts, " when you gonna drop by? Come visit? I'm just not a "drop by, come visit " kinda guy, i don't think i ever was really. How does someone like me explain that to a younger person who is so keen, to entertain and be entertained? And so, the texts
Updated December 4th, 2016 at 11:16 AM by dither
I've had a good run i suppose but the time is drawing near. A couple of teeth that are causing serious grief right now can only get worse. Next week, next month, next year , there can be only one outcome, my seeking out and submitting to a dentist chair. Oh god, there! i've said it.
Why are current dentist methods so "not negotiable/carved in stone"? Why can't we talk?
Me being me, there will probably be a running commentary through the process of plastic replacing
I was going to head this " night-worker hell " but in spite the lousy conditions, working outside in all weathers, i really don't mind working nights. It's the week-end that causes the most problems. How to adjust to some semblance of normality for just two days. Now that can be, a bitch. By the time six am arrives on a Saturday morning i'm just about done but there's still a long way to go before i can acknowledge that it is weekend.
Having clocked out and passed through
Time and inclination, what happened to them? What happened to me? Seems so long ago now. The days when i enjoyed, looked forward to even, my weekend jaunts to Barkton and Stugely. Visiting libraries, discovering celebrating and noting the whereabouts of public toilets that don't charge the princely sum of twenty pee just have, well, a pee. Exploring town centers and streets, places that i've known all my life as if i were seeing them anew, with relish. Seeking out and occasionally finding
When the flesh is weak and the mind? well? Not quite so weak.
Sometimes, in the silent stillness of a quiet Sunday afternoon spent alone at home, after another week of workplace hell, it seems as though i feel the passing of every moment. Think grains of sand slipping through fingers.
Being alone is not an issue for me. Yes i get lonely sometimes but i don't have to be alone. It is what it is.
Thoughts move slowly, unlike the mental ticker-tape of yesteryear, through an ageing
All i know of her is that she is twenty six years old, she's not diabetic, and she wasn't pregnant. It was around seven-forty and the darkness of night was approaching. A young woman with whom i was vaguely acquainted was saying her goodbyes at a house doorway called to me as i approached the house.
" You're going into town aren't you, on your way to work. Mind if i walk with you? "
" Yeah sure, i don't mind." Why not ? I thought.
She joined me and we headed
Updated September 18th, 2016 at 06:10 PM by dither
What a day;
This place, this town, my town. Jinxed cursed or what? A "Carnival Committee" strives to preserve an age old tradition and it hangs on, just. All through August and into September, with the very odd grey-day and some rain, the weather had been glorious. The Carnival time and date had been set for 2.00. pm. Saturday September the 3rd. Seemed reasonable but you can't pre- arrange the weather and yes, the rains came, it lashed down.
The day had started dry
Updated September 10th, 2016 at 07:02 PM by dither
Trying so hard, and so wanting, to make something out of nothing, silk purse sow's ear comes to mind, y'know? But really, who cares? Okay, so i dragged my sorry self-pitying arse out of the sack ( and that's not a million miles from the truth actually ) sometime after first light this morning, there was no pressing need or desire to do anything or go anywhere and so, i put the kettle on and made myself a strong one, but really, who cares?
Just one look out of the kitchen window confirmed that
Updated August 29th, 2016 at 06:32 PM by dither
Actually the cider wasn't so cheap. And the nice thing? Well? It wasn't exactly life changing but it did give me a modicum of pleasure. Okay! So i'm "on the box" ( certified unfit for work ) right now. I will have been quite sometime without income, and maybe i shouldn't be wasting money on drink but one brown plastic 2ltr bottle every now and then isn't going to bring the dither empire to it's knees ( fingers crossed ) and i refuse to feel bad about it.
It had been a couple of
Updated August 19th, 2016 at 05:00 PM by dither
I'm trying to pluck up the courage to return to A&E, worried about my arm. Couldn't believe how busy that place get's and by 5.00.pm i'd had enough, gave up and headed back to the bus-terminal via morrison's for some cheap booze and a lotto ticket. Please! If any super being not of this world happened to see me.I'm not asking for millions.
Well, anyway, as i arrived at the bus stop i could see a bunch of young lads, teenagers i'd say, congregating with their backs to the front of
Updated August 13th, 2016 at 10:02 AM by dither
Smith's blog has prompted this. Sorry Smith. Who know's maybe somebody somewhere might see it as drifts off into the great unknown.
I've been carrying too much for too long and this broken arm business, and it's no big deal , although i AM worried right now, has brought me to the brink. I need to talk to a doctor or somebody, but how much can patient and doctor say in the allotted ten minute time-slot? I could use an hour.
A doctor might be willing to refer me and
Updated September 25th, 2016 at 08:32 AM by dither
Friday August 5th. My next Hospital appointment. The day i got un-plastered. I'd been counting the days, the hours even. And as for all that talk about physio, yeah whatever, just get this damned thing off eh? Let me have my arm back.
So, i got up bright and early, took care of my ablutions and went up town to buy a newspaper. It would help to pass some of the waiting time. I had booked my cab way too early, as is my wont, Mr. Punctuality, that's me, and when i got there, it might easily have