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  1. Back to the Grind

    I look like a lobster.

    Earlier this week on Sunday night I received a text from a friend of mine. He wanted to know if I could work for him, helping him paint houses.

    It was a mistake. I got baked.

    By the sun.

    Yep, I didn't wear any sunscreen and now instead of a TV tan I have a farmer's tan.

    Fortunately we didn't have work today because of the rain. Mentally I'm feeling quite well, although I think I could use a little more sleep ...

    Updated Today at 03:00 AM by Smith

  2. Sunny days and plants in pots

    So today I have been of work and the weather has been fantastic. I have definitely soaked up the vitamin D today. I have managed to do four loads of washing with another ready to go tonight, I have tidied up, sunbathed and even had a mini picnic with my one and only. Not done much writing today but when the weather is this nice who could?? Not me. My new job is still going well and I am thoroughly enjoying being management. Had my first shift alone yesterday which went swimmingly and even came home ...
  3. ...Manchester...

    So last night Manchester became a victim however the city stands tall:

    There are those that won't come home today,
    There are those that lost their world,
    There are those that sleep alone tonight,
    There are those that won't sleep at all.

    Some will blame and hate,
    Other's will stand together,
    We may weep, we may shout,
    But today we'll all remember,
    All of those that died.

    RIP to all those that did not make it home last ...
  4. Refocusing...

    Spring cleaning in a way...

    Sloppy writing and wayward thoughts, so I swept it all away like Pharaoh's army.

    What's left?

    I wanted to, perhaps, try doing a professional blog, though in the very near future I may be either too busy and/or tired to even write anything. At first I wanted to write about my story, but since I don't like revealing much about it, specifically, I don't think the pronoun game would endure for very long, if at all. Even so, talking ...
  5. If not to be consistent, I'll at least be the returned son for a day

    Hello friends, long time no speak.

    I suppose I'm back to do what outreach I can to people without having to invade and unbalance my own irl relations with such conversations, especially since nobody can keep them organized around me to help me find an end.

    As a general summation of the last year or two of absence, I've gone through a broken engagement (twice, same person), 15 months of unemployment (interrupted myself with a like 2 week stint there a year ago), a massive ...
  6. Saturday thinking

    It's Saturday and the sun is shining, well at least for now it is. Yet here I sit glued to my laptop screen thinking maybe just maybe I've got it right now. The troubles of re-editing your own novel it is a battle in it's own way I have found. It can be fun but tedious at times when you re-write the same sentence over and over until you are finally happy with it. Now do not get me wrong i love my novel and the wa it is shaping up however I wish I could make the process go faster sometimes or know ...
  7. The Relationship of the Professor and Businessman

    It's a placeholder title. Couldn't come up with anything swift for right now.

    There's a lot to glean from "The Rommel Papers". If you're unfamiliar, please feel free to check out my review of it here first. (hyperlink would be added in final draft)

    Approaching the book from just a historical or military angle is to miss the insights on life and human nature. What I want to grapple with in this blog is a specific contrast that Rommel makes between professors of ...

    Updated May 19th, 2017 at 10:01 PM by Smith

  8. Denial of assistance

    I wish I could be angry about it all anymore. I just feel saddened. Finally after four weeks I finally get a response from the state regarding my Unemployment and I'm rejected. I wasn't counting on it but it would've been a nice cushion to keep me going.

    So, as it stands it just means I have to take whatever comes my way soon. That doesn't thrill me in the slightest. I'm not angry, just saddened. Of course the reason is that I was 'warned' and 'should have known this jeopardized my ...
  9. Morlocks and Eloi

    That scene in the 1996 movie "Ransom" haunts me. The bad-cop, played by Gary Sinese explains how society has broken down along the lines of H.G. Wells future in "The Time Machine". According to Sinese's character, we're all either Morlocks or Eloi now.
    For those of you unfamiliar with the literary reference, we're either Wolves or Sheep. I've struggled with this.

    The fact is, I don't want to believe it. But reality is an ugly mistress. Everywhere I look, ...
  10. how did my day go?

    how did my day go?

    Okay, picture this;

    When I clock on for my final shift of the week, 22-00 til 06-00, as I pack a lunch on a Friday afternoon making ready even, as much as one can make ready, I'm done, mind knows it, body knows it, and if there is such a thing as soul, that knows it to but what the hell, it's gotta be done.
    It was my sister's birthday yesterday ( Saturday ) and so, after enduring the above, I wouldn't be catching ...
  11. New Drawings, new style

    I've been working on developing a new drawing style that I like better than my last style. These drawings are what I've done to try to develop it. Trying to get into more "american comic book style" than the manga style I originally learned.

    Before/after series:
    Erik ^

    Group Photo ...
  12. Adderall

    Cut a pill in half yesterday afternoon and tried it for the first time.

    Wrote 1000 words in a period of about four hours. Not bad. And I found myself more focused on aspects of the story, the characters; my mind didn't drift as often, and when it did it wasn't as long as it'd typically be.

    What surprised me the most was how normal I felt. Truthfully it felt like... how I feel on a rare "good" day (without the help of drugs), when the stars align and by some miraculous ...

    Updated May 12th, 2017 at 11:17 AM by Smith

  13. Skype Talk with Jordan Peterson

    That's right!

    As a reward for donating $200 to his Patreon, I got to talk to the man himself today.

    We spoke for about 45 minutes about all sorts of things, but there was one thing he asked me that really "clicked".

    "Are you proud of anything you've written?"

    And when I thought about that I said "Yes".

    It felt like he'd asked me something that I ...

    Updated May 9th, 2017 at 11:46 PM by Smith

  14. Today I Messed Up (swearing)

    Today I've fucked up the best thing that I've got. I dont know how or if I can fix this.

    I guess I started noticing my depression earlier this year. Kinda at the end of last semester. Im pretty sure I've had it for most of my life but I've been able to keep a fairly good handle on it up until then. It just seems to be getting worse now. To the point where I just dont know if I'll be around tomorrow.

    Its gotten to the point where I cant hide it from my boyfriend. ...
  15. Sloshed

    Looking back to 30ish minutes ago, maybe I should've walked you out to your car. I mean, we walked out the door together.

    But, I don't know. I wasn't ready to take charge of the situation; I'm a coward. Plus last time we saw one another - just a month ago - you told me you had a boyfriend.

    Didn't seem proper either way.

    Meh... more than likely isn't even a big deal. Best not think about it. Just ride out the buzz. Forget it. Forget you.

    Maybe next ...

    Updated May 6th, 2017 at 09:07 AM by Smith

  16. Beauty as Illusion

    I realize that this is one of those big ideas that 18 year olds think about and I probably have no business wasting peoples time writing about it- but as I am currently working in a job that leaves me with ample time to read and I guess think, so I started to think about this idea anyway. As I was driving to a class I am mandated to take by the state, I thought about the concept of beauty. We know that beauty is a fleeting thing; in faces, changes in the seasons, fashion, time wearing down the ...
  17. Times Like This

    At times like this it's hard to describe how I even feel. It's a mixture of emotions, and those don't separate nicely like oil and water.

    I don't know who I am.

    I don't know what to do anymore.

    I don't know why I'm even here.

    I don't know how to take the reigns of my life.

    Maybe that's why philosophy and psychology really appeal to me. Music. Writing. It's like I latch onto these things unintentionally but not randomly, and they not ...

    Updated May 3rd, 2017 at 10:22 AM by Smith

  18. Robin Hobb

    So today has been perfect. The sun has been shinning and I even took a trip to bigger city. Sheffield to meet author Robin Hobb and let me tell you she is a lovely women. Her world of the farseer's and bingtown have always amazed me in their detail and the characters that inhabit them have taken me on so many adventures that it was amazing to meet the women behind the words. If you have not already read her books I would suggest that you pick up a copy and start right now they are (in my opinion) ...
  19. Open Relationship

    I went to a party last night and meet an older fellow that was telling me too much information, after becoming adequately bombed. Anyway, he is divorced of twenty years and has 2 children. After his divorce, he has had many "lovers" as he put it. He then proceeded to tell me that he was in a relationship with a woman, with whom he lives with part of the week. Well, why doesn't he stay there all week? Guess what? Another man lives there the rest of the week. He explained that things ...
  20. Dirt and Diesel,

    There was a story in my Daily Mail, yesterday I think.

    Pre-stained jeans. Can you believe that? Three hundred and thirty quid a pair ( we need a head-palm smilie. ) Totally amazed here.
    Basically, it's a pair of jeans, with no fraying holes and knees in tact, amazed with that also, fashion is moving on. Distressed jeans are so yesterday it would seem.

    Anyway, Pre-stained Jeans; ...

    Updated April 30th, 2017 at 12:46 PM by dither

  21. Debate Wars - Clarity

    Been procrastinating too much lately. Guess the first step to fixing that is to acknowledge it, like any other problem.

    I've realized (again; you'd think I would've got it the first time) that I only have control over what I do.

    The only thing I can control is how I present myself. How I explain something, the amount of detail and level of specificity. ...

    Updated April 30th, 2017 at 08:47 AM by Smith

  22. The Darkness Before More Darkness (profanity)

    I just have to do this "stream of consciousness" style...

    I was talking to Travis at work. He was having a better than normal day. That IED in Afghanistan fucked him up some, but he gets by. Day by day.
    Last night he was in Seattle, at a Social Distortion concert. He had to pass all the teen girls leaving their Panic At The Disco concert as he left.
    The Ferry ride home wasn't bad, he told me. The only problem was he was hungry, and the food on the ferry at ...
  23. Surprise in the post

    So the postman brought me a nice little surprise in the post this morning. A postcard sent from Tacoma in the USA. From Robin Hobb ahead of her Uk tour and even though I will be unable to meet her on this tour as none of her tour dates are near enough for me to travel to I am glad that she is releasing her new book very soon. If I ever make it as big as her with my writing I want to be like her in the way that she responds to her fans and even goes the extra mile of writing and posting a postcard ...
  24. potting on and pinching out

    New plants, seedlings, it is all happening, and every year some of it goes right and some of it goes wrong, even for the most experienced gardener, but some things can help.

    Not planting the whole packet of seed is usually a good idea. Some special, expensive to produce, seeds donít have lots in the packet, but most have plenty, a packet of Little Gem lettuce I bought has 2,000 seeds, that is extreme, but most have far more than you need.

    Take planting runner beans, ...
  25. Your Name


    I just saw the film "Your Name".

    It's changed my life.

    All cliches aside. I hate using that phrase. Like how "love" can lose meaning when you say that you "love" everything.

    I've never been a fan of anime. I don't mean that in the sense of disliking it. What I mean is that I've never really watched it. But after I walked out of the theater, across the empty parking lot and back to my car, ...

    Updated April 26th, 2017 at 06:49 AM by Smith

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